Triumphant Tragedy

The pain of this separation is too intense for my already drought soul to bear.  I give, I gave, I continue to do so even through your abuse, through your rage, through your infidelity

I am your puppet and if that's all I can have, I will wear that badge with honor. To be without your presence means I am empty and longing. My preparation for your departure never seems to come

Your torturous spirit devalues my every thought so do with me as you will.  I am your junkie and I feel the burn every time you're inside me

My friends tell me I need rehab but I can not be without you because it leaves me jonesing and feening for more.  Just say you will allow me in. Just say I can love you; although I will never be loved the same in return

What is it about you that has me under your hypnotic control?  Is it the sex? Is it the power? Is it the overwhelming consumption of your give and take of love? Is it my own insecurity? Is it my own inability to love.....myself?

Why do I cower in your presence?  You love me so graciously but I dare not speak out of context for fear of what may happen next.  I do as instructed regardless of the outcome.  I don't care for myself so why should you?

I apologize for being...me. I apologize for you being....you. I apologize for wanting more.  I apologize for apologizing

This last bout of abuse has taken its toll.  Now the innocence of my beloved child has been compromised.  Do I dare make an attempt?  How will I maintain if I leave?  Will I survive without your "love"?  Do I place you at the forefront and place my child to the rear?

I need to wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP!!! This is not healthy.  This is not love. This is not comfort. This is not who I was before you.  This is insane


This threat will be your last as I had a premonition that enabled me to enable myself to no longer be your enabler. One more step and life as you know it will no longer be my drug. I will no longer need you to travel through my shriveled veins

                      Please don't step closer. Please don't make me. Please just love me.

As you lay on the floor gurgling and riving in pain from my carefully placed incision, my sadness turns to my joy. MY inability turns to MY ability.  MY love turns to MY hate.  MY sanity becomes MY insanity

One up and down motion after another ends this beautiful tragedy.  I end your dictatorship and bring forth my previous existence

                                   I am free. I am free. I am free. I am free. I am free.

I drop the red stained blade to the floor in confusion and disbelief unknowing of my future circumstance.  Why couldn't you love me? Why couldn't I love myself?

The preparation for MY departure has come and as I leave you behind, all I can say is  

                                                         Goodbye.....my love